The Hiatus 2014

I've been in limbo for the last month. Okay, for the last 3 or 4 months actually. I've been looking for a job and that hasn't been turning out so great. After filling out dozens upon dozens of applications and typing up more cover letters than I’d care to, I've had about 5 interviews, and two call-backs. I’m a very competitive person who hates losing/failing, so that’s not a very good percentage for me. As a result, I started feeling pretty useless and eventually delved into a bit of a depression.

Once depression set in, I didn't really know what else to do but play video games. They've always been my safety new when times get tough. When school work was getting too tough in high school, Final Fantasy was there to help me escape. In middle school, when bullies made life difficult from the bus stop to the classroom and back again, I’d look to Banjo and Kazooie for comfort. Therefore, it’s no surprise that I’d turn to gaming once again when life gets me down as an adult.

That’s the thing about video games – they never quit on you, they don’t judge you, and they allow you another world to dive into when the real world you’re in starts to get the better of you. I used to think this habit was a bit pathetic when I was younger. When I was younger I was always concerned about how other people perceived me and I valued their opinions of me above being and liking myself. This led to me having a poor self-image and self-respect when I used video games as an escape. But they helped me get through tough times, so I didn't abandon them, and thankfully so, because I eventually outgrew that silly idea about needing others’ approval of who I was to be happy. Who knows what would've happened if I did continue to value the opinions of random people who didn't really matter, then I wouldn't have video games to fall back on today when times get tough.

I love you, video games...you understand me!

So as I said, times have been less than stellar for me lately, and I became a recluse. I stopped tweeting for quite some time, removed myself from other forms of social media, and rarely left the house except to go to the occasional interview or social function with friends. The vast majority of my time was spent playing, what else, video games, and I definitely had the backlog to support the habit. I played games on a variety of systems, from the Sega Genesis to the N64 to the Xbox 360, but most of my attention went to the PS3. This was because the majority of my backlogged games were on Sony’s “last generation” console, and it was about time I took care of that.

I’m going to try and do a write up for the games I thoroughly enjoyed, even if they will be shorter in length than my usual style, but I make no promises. Still, since my last blog post two whole months ago, here are, in no particular order, the games I've played and on what systems:

• Arkham Asylum (PS3)
• Arkham City (PS3)
• Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time (PS3)
• NHL ’94 (Genesis)
• Mario Party 5 (GCN)
• Mario Kart 64 (N64)
• Super Smash Bros. (N64)
• Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise (360)
• Super Mario All-Stars (SNES)
• Resistance 3 (PS3)
• NHL ’15 (360)
• Battleblock Theater (360)
• Fez (PS3)
• Stealth Inc.: A Clone in the Dark (PS3)
• Metro: Last Light (PS3)
• Dead Space 3 (PS3)
• Dynasty Warriors 8 (360)
• Dark Souls (PS3)
• Borderlands 2 (360)
• Hoard (PS3)
• Proteus (PS3)

After compiling that list I’m slightly embarrassed at its length, especially for just 60 days of gaming. But like I said, I’m unemployed and have almost nothing but time on my hands. Still, it’s amazing how much gaming one can accomplish when they’re left to their own devices with limited distractions. Hell, I was even visiting wedding venues with my fiancé over that time period so it’s not like I was distraction-free.

It's only with 10 Gamerscore Points - not worth it.

However, while this experience was enjoyable, it was rooted in a need to escape during a rough time in my life. I would rather have been able to enjoy my gaming without worrying about finances or if I was slowly creeping towards uselessness. I wish that I could have the freedom to play copious amounts of games without the added burden of worrying about paying rent or feelings that my college degrees are just useless pieces of paper. But until the day comes that I win the lottery, I guess it’s nice to know that regardless of whether I’m gainfully employed or can’t land an interview to save my life, video games will continue to be a rock I can cling to and pretend everything will be okay.

Targeting Systems Offline

I've already given my opinion on the treatment of people (aka – fellow human beings) in the gaming industry when people don’t like them or disagree with their views. But recent events involving threats of violence against people in the gaming industry and have made them even scary places. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve considered taking a break from social media and just hiding away in my own personal gaming world until it all blew over, but to do so would be cowardly and wouldn't actually help the situation. So…here we go.

If you've been following the timeline of what is now being called “GamerGate” from Zoe Quinn to Anita Sarkeesian to dozens of other lesser-known journalists, developers, and personalities in the video game industry, you've undoubtedly noticed a huge chasm form between many gamers. There are the GamerGaters, people who believe what they are doing is right and fixes the industry by purging it of those who have conflicts of interests (COI) and use shady practices to get ahead, and those who believe that the targeting and harassment done by GamerGaters is excessive, often illegal, and is founded on white male privilege that is so prevalent in the industry.

I've looked into both sides since things got ugly with rape and death threats, and I've noticed a rapid shift in tone from those who identify as part of the GamerGate movement. While there were (and are still) those who threaten “toxic” journalists and developers with sexual and physical violence, there are many people a part of the GamerGate movement who are trying to expose those with COIs and have them removed from the industry through more civil means. I’m in no way defending the movement – I personally believe this is just a more subtle version of coercion – but it’s worth noting that there are people who still believe they’re doing the industry a favor by ridding it of these “cancerous” individuals.

But let’s be honest with ourselves as gamers for a moment. What is this actually solving in the video game industry? Sure there are big(ger) fish that are targeted like Zoe Quinn and Anita Sarkeesian who may or may not have hidden agendas when they write and create; that’s not for me to judge. But lately I've seen a lot of GamerGaters go after mainly small-time journalists, and, here’s the kicker, the overwhelming majority of them are women.

Perhaps women are just more likely to have COIs and use shady practices to get ahead in the industry, and if you believe that I have some nice ocean-front property in Arizona you might be interested in. Regardless, while some people in the GamerGate movement are using civil coercion to force people to quit or their companies to fire them, there are still a large number of people who use threats of violence to scare them and show them that they “mean business”.

The fact that this has to be reinforced is not a good sign.

Now I know that these people don’t necessarily represent the GamerGate movement as a whole, just like any subset of a movement or group doesn't really define the whole at its core, but it begs the question, where should people really be targeting their efforts to cleanse the world of video games of wrongdoers and those of little to no scruples? Perhaps the bigger problem with the gaming industry and community at large is this belief that if somebody is seen as a threat to our beloved hobby, then threatening them with rape and violence, DOXXing and SWATting them, and overall abusing them is justified. Maybe those who see themselves as white knights for the gaming industry need to clean up their own back yard before complaining about the state of the neighborhood.

It could be the way I was raised, but I see a much bigger problem with fellow humans being forced from their homes because of fear of bodily harm than I see with them writing a review for a game that their friend helped create. COIs, sexual favors, and whatever else people have been accused of doing to gain a foothold in the industry is no excuse for calling their parents with threats and making them feel like their life is in danger. It’s people like that that continue to rot away at the image of gamers and the industry.

I think those in the GamerGate movement need to stop just encouraging people to use more civil tactics and instead target those who continue to threaten people to get their way, because it’s those people who are the more prevalent threat to the industry. They’re the reason why I almost hid away from the industry and community that I loved so much, but they’re also the reason why I decided that I shouldn't just sit back and watch the hobby I love become identified as a bunch of misogynistic loudmouths who prefer scare tactics to being a decent human being.

The Fine Line Between Passion and Abuse

I love being a gamer. It’s one of the few things in my life that I love to do and that I’m actually good at. But the games aren't the only reason I love being a gamer. There are millions of people just like me all across the globe who share this passion. Retro gamers, PC and console gamers, RPG lovers, shooter fanatics, MMO enthusiasts and live streamers: they all lend their voices to the gaming community at large. It’s this same community that I've come to appreciate through the dedicated and fervent gamers I've met on Twitter and the gaming blogs I read regularly. So why is it that gamers from the same community I laud are frequently seen as spoiled, mean-spirited, and full of vitriol by not only fellow gamers, but by the developers of the very games they love?

Phil Fish is perhaps the most polarizing figure in gaming, if not historically then most certainly within recent memory. While his highly successful indie game Fez drew near unanimous praise from critics and fans, the man behind the game seemed to attract nothing but controversy. First drawing ire for the constant delaying of Fez in 2010/11, things haven’t improved for Fish. He’s evolved from gifted developer and symbol of the indie game industry to Twitter rage-quitter to punchline on level with Half-Life 3. If you've followed the chronicles of Mr. Fish (especially on Twitter), then you know that he doesn't do himself any favors with his often brash way of communicating with people and his almost poetic way of feeding trolls. And while it may be easy to just shrug off Phil Fish as a developer who couldn't handle the pressure or who didn't appreciate what he had, I think we as a gaming community need to seriously consider our role in events such as these.

Gamer entitlement is a real thing, but is it wrong? Is it a problem?

Fish may be in the spotlight for lashing out at gamers and the industry at large, but he’s far from alone in his feelings. Indie company Puppy Games recently wrote on their blog about the PR quagmire that all game developers must muck through and its many pitfalls. The post talks a lot about how the gaming community is like a mob and how there’s very little companies can say that won’t excite that mob to turn on them. They go on to speak about the danger of trolls (no surprise here, especially if you’re Phil Fish), but the most telling passage is below (emphasis theirs):

“Firstly, gamers aren't very nice people. Yes, you. You are not a very nice person. Statistically speaking. By which I mean, independent game developers get more nasty shit from gamers than they get praise. Right now you are preparing to lecture me about how I talk to customers, or how I deserve to be broke and unsucessful [sic]. If you’re feeling particularly sanctimonious you’ll tell me you’re never going to buy any of our games again. If you’re especially spiteful you’ll also tell me that you were about to buy one of our games (for a dollar! ho ho), but now you’re not going to. 

No matter. What does matter is you’re not allowed to point out when someone is just being a shithead to you because they can. Don’t do that. The internet hates you.”

Perhaps you could view the opinions of Phil Fish and Puppy Games as disgruntled game developers whining about how they are not praised enough, and maybe you’re right. But stories like these just keep popping up, and they’re simply the tamest of examples. Consider the case of Zoe Quinn, a game developer who has recently come under attack due to a bitter ex-boyfriend’s crusade to make her life a living hell.  He rallied the darkest corners of 4chan to his cause and before you could bat an eyelash Ms. Quinn was receiving threatening messages and calls, had private photos of herself ripped and posted publicly, and people (most of whom identify themselves as gamers) spewing all sorts of vile things about her personal and sexual life online. 

Zoe Quinn has a point. A very good, and crucial point in this saga.

Let that sink in for a moment: a woman who has done nothing but create games for a living and break up with an ex-boyfriend is coming under attack from people who think she deserves this because…why? Because she’s a woman? Because she doesn't belong? Because she asked for it by working in a “man’s industry”? Because if she can’t handle it she needs to get out of the business? All of these reasons have been put forth by the attackers who think it’s okay to send death and rape threats to someone from behind the safety of their computer screen. It’s terrifying and angering all at the same time.

So why is it that people in the gaming community, my supposed colleagues in the world because of a shared hobby, feel it’s okay for them to personally attack someone? Is it okay to publicly humiliate another person simply because they’re “internet famous” or work for a gaming company? Do these people honestly believe they’re entitled to drag others down with them to the lowest depths of humanity because they didn't like their game, or don’t like that a woman is finding success in an industry “meant for men”? It’s simply disgusting and if at this point you aren't outraged that this happens ON A DAILY BASIS then please consider yourself part of the problem.

Look, I know that gamers are some of the most passionate people around. I myself defend gaming fervently to people who view it as a waste of time or a cause of society’s major issues. There’s often a thin line between fans being passionate and abusive, and when people believe that as a consumer or a member of the community they have the right to personally attack someone, online and/or in real life, then they've crossed that line. Let me make this perfectly clear: nobody, and I mean nobody, deserves to have their personal life a matter of public debate, and nobody deserves to be threatened for just doing their job or living their life as they please.

Looks like I'm not the only one who thinks that devs are also human.

We as a gaming community have a lot of power, it’s true. We have buying power that can make or break smaller companies, and can determine the route larger companies take with their development of current and future gaming titles. But we should never use this power as an excuse to take another gamer, another human being, and make them feel unsafe because they changed a small aspect of a beloved game or simply don’t agree with you. Again, perhaps Phil Fish didn't do himself any favors when he fed the trolls, but maybe we played angry mob to his Frankenstein’s Monster and made him the person he is today. In any case, we certainly didn't help the matter. And maybe it’s true that Puppy Games isn't helping their case by addressing this elephant in the room, but guess what: we’re the ones who created the elephant and need to take responsibility. And in the case of Zoe Quinn, there are no excuses for the way people are treating her and her family. If we as a gaming community don’t start standing up for the victims and against the dregs of society who attack them, then the cycle will continue and people will stop caring what we think, and will only fear what we’ll potentially do.